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| Not me, but captures the general feeling. Oh and if you do not know who this is, you are too young to read my blog |
one of those women who has anything in her life figured out. To top that off, I am very not feeling very happy in my marriage. Sometimes, the anger I feel toward him, creeps up and I want to puke all over him, but instead
is comes out in the form of ignoring him; tuning him out and when his annoying voice become too much to annoy, I am short with him.
This pales in comparison to the treatment I get from him on a regular basis. I have written about it before - the yelling! If I dare to be short with him, I get hit upside the head with so much anger, it is like a much like a dog in fight with a wolf, there is no match, so the dog just whimpers. Why is that an issue for a mommy blog? Well, because he just plain does not care if he is yelling at me in FRONT of our child!
I know from everything I have read that children need to feel loved, secure, safe and to feel as though they have opportunities to explore and try new things. Many parents worry if yelling at children can hurt them - but how often do they stop and think about the way in which yelling at your partner in front of your child affects them.
From an adult perspective if someone has a loud argument in front of me then it does not make me feel any less loved, but it makes me feel like I am not secure or safe. I believe children are intuitive little humans and can feel their parents' anger and it can make children fearful. If parents shout at each other, young children may not understand that they are safe and it can be terrifying, especially if one of the parents is the constant aggressor and the other parent (me) gets upset so the children no longer feel safe in the care of the people they trust to look after them. A deeper look might reveal if parents often criticize each other in front of the child it can endanger the child's security and damage their confidence in themselves - because each parent is part of them as well. Regardless, if a family member is yelling at the other parent, children may not learn to be good listeners and or give others a chance to talk.
Break it down to the individual children - children differ in their ability to cope with noise and shouting. I have a friend whose daughter covers her ears when there is loud noise or conversation around her. I have another friend whose overly aggressive toddler spent his childhood watching his mom get yelled at all of the time. I have seen some children seem not to notice it very much; others will wince when they hear loud voices and are obviously upset by them. These children can be made fearful if there is a lot of yelling. When we fight our son a normally boisterous child becomes withdrawn and quiet. This does not stop my husband, who has a natural tendency to not think about other people, or their time; or time in general; unless someone is infringing on HIS time.
It is this behavior of his that turns me off, I am repulsed by his touch, not because I am not attracted physically to him - but his constant nagging, critisism and self centeredness is like a sex repelant. My happiest moments are when he walks out the door and I am not with him.
